i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
