I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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