Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
