It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
