its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
