Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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