I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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