id be glad to
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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