you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
