More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
