I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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