I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
