I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
