dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
