She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
