The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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