I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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