PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We had to coat check the pizza.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
