I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
