Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
