I think I am morally bankrupt
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
