we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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