Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I love having hate sex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
