I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
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i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?