you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.