he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?