I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
