Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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