and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
