Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just cropdusted the office
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
