omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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