do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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