im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
this will be a night to untag.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
