Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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