I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
