She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i am craving dick and cupcakes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
