Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
