You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
