I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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