wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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