Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize