the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
