And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
