i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
