and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
