Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
