Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
