I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
