if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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