Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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