glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
