I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
