I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
