thus making me awesome and them whores
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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