is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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