I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
