Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
