I'm lost and stupid without you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
