So drunk its hurt
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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