I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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