he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
