Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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