She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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