You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
