Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
