this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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