Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize