Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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