The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
